Is it a sin communicating with your ex-lover?

     “I just talked to my ex, then my boyfriend got mad at me…”

     Have you heard yourself saying the same line? Honestly, I once said the same line when I spoke to my ex and told my boyfriend about it. I thought there was nothing wrong with what I did. In fact, I was being too kind and honest when I told my boyfriend about it. What was wrong with that? I thought, if I was cheating on him I shouldn’t have told him about it.

Is it a sin communicating with your ex-lover? Why there are boyfriends or girlfriends who suddenly transform into monsters when they found out their partners are communicating with his/her ex-lover?

Whenever there is an exchange of idea or information between two or more persons, there is a communication. Communication with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend can be done verbally or non-verbally. Whether it’s a sin or not communicating with your ex-lover depends on two parameters: your intention and the situation.

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                You can communicate verbally through phone calls, texting, online messaging like in Facebook, or through direct conversation.

Intention. Why do you have to text him? Why do you have to call him? There is no point of your boyfriend getting mad at you if your intention is sincere and honest, to become casual friends with your ex, who discusses each other life’s whereabouts. It only becomes a sin if your intention is to settle your previous misapprehensions hopefully regaining the once a romantic love story, while still in a relationship with the other. It is a sin if deep down in your heart you are willing to risk your present relationship for the sake of the other.

Situation. Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to have contact with your ex-lover because he knows the latter still want you back. As a girlfriend, it is your responsibility to safeguard your partner’s emotion. Having it said, it is a sin to communicate with your ex if it is against your partner’s will or if it seems to him there is a threat to your relationship. Otherwise, be transparent with your boyfriend.  Introduce your boyfriend to your ex then do the communication or talking with your ex-lover at your boyfriend’s presence. Not that you are tolerating your boyfriend’s paranoia, but in that way you are implicitly giving him an assurance he has your loyalty.

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On the other hand, nonverbal communication is made through the eye contacts, your facial expression and body language or movements.

Intention. Why do you have to look at him? Why do you have to touch him? You were walking in a corridor when you noticed your ex is just across. You watched him walk until he riches near you and your eyes met. While he was approaching you, what were you thinking? Were you not bothered by his presence? Or were you hoping he would notice you were staring at him and he would look at you too so your eyes could talk?

     For we all know he has read a thousand words from your eyes when you were staring at each other’s eyes. As they say “action speaks louder than words” so be careful with your actions because it is a sin when it creates an idea to your ex you are still attracted and you still want him.

Situation. You and your ex-boyfriend were college batch mates and your batch is having a reunion. During the event, you were asked to sit beside each other since you were the college love team. It is never a sin to be sitting beside your ex with your arms slightly touching each other if it is only to get along with your old friends and to give them little joy. In fact, by doing so, you show to the people around you keep no grudges towards each other. On the other hand, it is a sin when he sits beside you then he slowly move to reach your hand and touch your fingers, yet you do nothing but let him do his business. That is already flirting!

     Is it a sin communicating with your ex-lover? There is no absolute answer of yes or no to this question. It always depends in the person’s intention and the situation. But if you don’t want that communicating with your ex-lover will destroy your present relationship, the key is through showing transparency, honesty and trust to your partner.

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