“My first would be my last.” Those were my exact words, and probably yours and of many others, back when I was 12, looking fast forward to my future. He must be tall, good-looking and an intelligent man. A good leader, talented and everybody’s friend and favourite. I must be very proud. –My Idealism
Young I was, I do believe in first love never dies, true love waits and in forever. They do exist and I would prove they do. – Well, I must say I would have proven they do exist if I were…
I was 17 when I had my first relationship. Indeed, he was a good-looking man, intelligent (literally smart), a dominant leader I really look up to, and crowd’s favourite, My Mr. Ideal Man. It was a whirlwind romance. That day he said “I love you”, I quickly replied back “I love you too”. But as quick as that, I lost him helplessly.
Yet, this immature romance has taught me many lessons, a lot of realization and self-reminders. Here are the ten common mistakes of a first timer in a relationship, which is why their first relationship didn’t last.
1) You Seek Perfection
Like no one is perfect, neither such relationship is perfect. It has and will always have its flaws. Your first relationship didn’t last because you keep seeking perfection from each other and from your relationship, thus you were never happy with what you have.
You, two persons in love with each other, will constantly change and so with your wants, needs and likes. Rather seeking perfection, be tolerant of imperfection. Be adaptive to change and together you grow to become better.
2) You Expected Too Much
There’s nothing wrong about being expectant of what your partner can do for you and your relationship since it is where you invest your emotion. Yet, expectations can break you when it’s too much. When you set it as the standards.
One should realize each of us has our own limitations. Sure he/she would do everything he/she can just to give you the best of what he/she can offer. Your first relationship didn’t last because you were never thankful for every little thing he/she does. You never appreciated the efforts.
3) One Welcomed Goodbyes
They say love is sweeter the second time around. Yes, it is, but love is sweetest when you stay together holding and helping each other to survive the surge and the storms. Do not just give up when you are being tested. Trials come to make your relationship stronger.
If you’re meant to be, then you’re meant to be, the universe will bring you back together. Destiny? No, that’s not how destiny works. Your destiny or what happens in the future is the result of what you do today.
If you love a person and if you want him/her to be with you forever, then don’t let any opportunity to bring you apart. Work on it. Fight for it. Overcome the test of the universe together. Your first relationship didn’t last because you welcomed the idea of goodbyes and second chances.
4) It Was a Long Distance Relationship
Mr. Ideal Man left me after he graduated. Me that time was still in my second year in college. We were in a long distance relationship and I was not his priority. He wanted me to focus on my studies and he needed to work hard for his sister and mother who supported him while studying.
We seldom talk or text each other. I didn’t tell him what were in my mind, my worries and doubts. I was never open to him and he, in the same way, was reluctant to be honest with me.
My first relationship ended because we were in a long distance and we failed to communicate to each other. We didn’t try hard enough to bridge the gap.
5) One Measure Love by Reciprocation
A relationship is a give-and-take partnership. However, it doesn’t mean he/she can always give you as much as what you can give him/her.
One might say “I love him/her more than he/she loves me”. You might be right in your own means of judging but don’t take it against him/her. In fact, you can’t quantify love. If your basis for saying so is how she cares or how much time he/she gives you, then you’re leading yourself to lies.
Have you consider maybe that’s only how much she can give you so that she can still remain to be her own self? More than that she’s no longer a complete person or she might be missing other important aspects of her life.
Your first relationship went doomed because you measured how much he/she gave. If he/she gave less, you should have given more. That way you make your relationship complete.
6) Comparing To Others
What’s good about comparing your relationship with another relationship is that you see the good side of your own relationship. The bad thing about it is that you see almost all of the imperfections and all that are missing and lacking. Often, it is here where you focus your attention, on what you do not have.
Remember you are two unique individuals joining forces together, thus, your partnership is also unique. Your first relationship was really meant to end because you compare it with other relationships and you tried to become different persons than you were when you first met.
Don’t force yourself to be like others or else you will just end up in separate ways. Don’t even hope you were two different persons because if you were, you might not be where you are today. Rather, nurture the best of what you both have for it to become the best.
7) You Stop Living Your Own World
Though you became lovers or couple when you get into that relationship, that doesn’t mean you have to stop living your individual lives. That doesn’t mean you have to make his/her world, yours.
Sometimes, when a girl finds love she let her life revolve only around this man. She would stop seeing her friends just to be with him all the time. She skips classes to go on a date. She would even give up her job because it’s far from him. She would always adjust her life to align with him.
Wake up. This wouldn’t make your relationship last.
You weren’t able to save and keep your first relationship because it was already toxic for both of you. Because you insist on living in the same lives, the time came that you both got tired and consumed.
A relationship meant to last is one which you can manage to work even if you are living your own lives. Instead of forcing yourself to be the same, support each other to grow and prosper. Then you will learn to live different lives in the same world together.
8) Wrong Time and Place
Perhaps this is the very reason why Mr. Ideal Man and I didn’t last, it was just a wrong time and place. Wrong time because I was still young, we were. Wrong place because we are apart from each other, making it more difficult for us to nurture the love.
I remember my aunt used to remind me to focus on my studies and to prioritize my studies besides when I finish studying, according to her, I can have as much relationship as I want.
Indeed, she was right. As a student, we have a lot of responsibilities and priorities. We still depend on our parents. At this point, our duty is to fulfil our parent’s will for us which is to get a diploma, land a good job and to be successful. It’s too difficult to fight for a relationship if you are not yet accomplished.
9) He/She Never Loved You At All
You’re probably a campus crush; gorgeous, hottie, talented and a top student of the class. Having you as a girl/boyfriend is such an honor and pride, which everybody would want to have.
Sad but true, some get into a relationship not because they love the person but because they love the fame of having him/her even if he/she doesn’t love him/her genuinely.
10) Just The Wrong Person
Sure your family, particularly your parents, once told you to carefully choose the person whom you’ll have a relationship with. So, how do you know if that person is the right one?
The getting-to-know each other stage is very important because that is the time you will know if he/she is the right person. One must know that what or who is best for someone may not be the right person for others.
The right person is the one you are capable of accepting, understanding and adjusting with. You can accept his/her incompleteness, you understand his/her shortcomings, and you are willing to adjust yourself to meet his/her needs and wants. The right person is the one willing to do the same for you. Your first relationship didn’t last because he/she was not willing to do these for you.