Courtship Now and Then: Teach Him To Be Worthy of You

     Courtship is a process or stage in which a man woos a woman. It is the time where a man gets the chance to convince the woman to like him, love him and choose him. This is the time where a woman has the power over man.


     I remember my grandmother fondly narrates how courtship is done during their time. According to her, before, when a man courts a woman he goes to her house and serves her and her family. Sometimes, a man would chop firewood to be used for cooking in their kitchen or he would fetch water from the nearest source.

     In some occasion, a man, together with his friends, would serenade her in front of the woman’s house and wait until she shows up in their window, commonly known to the Filipinos as “harana”. There he would declare his love in front of the woman’s family.

     Moreover, courtship before often takes years before he could get to hear her sweet yes and only if her family approves. Nowadays, a month-long of courtship is already too long. While writing love letters is a spice to it, on some other account, gift giving in the form of pet animals like chicken or pig to the family is part of the tradition.

     These were among the simple yet effortful ways aman does to show how much he wanted the woman and to convince her and her family that he is worthy of her love. The more hard work you exert the more deserving you are. However, this traditional courtship went gone as time passes by. 


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         With the development in technology, courtship has also evolved. Not to mention many meets only on the internet, courtship nowadays often happens only in their social media walls or in their phone’s messenger.

     Instead of bringing the guy to her house and introduce to her parents, shopping malls has become the new wooing place. Parents only get surprised when they found out their daughter already has a boyfriend. They no longer has a say on who she dates and not, and who she gets into a relationship with.

     While effort remains a key, its definition has changed. Some have considered the mere liking and sharing of her photos or posting cheesy statuses as an effort. Though going out on a date is sweet, the bars, parties and movie houses are the new ideal. The refreshing parks where two can talk are now tagged as corny or boring.

     Sometimes, I could not help to wonder if courting remains part of the process or they have come to skip it. If he likes her and she likes him, what’s the point of keeping it long?


               More than just wooing her, it is during courtship that the getting-to-know each other part happens. Isn’t it that courtship is wooing the person you want to marry with soon or in the near future? Many marriages didn’t work because only after years that they realized they do not know yet who really the person they marry is. In fact, couples in boyfriend-girlfriend status often break ups after realizing their differences.

     My favorite DJ, Papa Jack, emphasized several times that ladies should teach their man how to treat them and to respect them. And, I am on the same stance with him. Girls owe it to their selves how a man behaves towards them.

     When you let him to also woo your family especially your parents, you are teaching him to honor them and to acknowledge that they are part of you.  You are showing him what and who you are without him.

     By allowing him to exert effort in visiting you in your house no matter how far it is, perhaps help you do your younger brother’s project, or probably replanting your vegetable garden, you are teaching him to work for you. You are instilling in his mind that it is his obligation to serve you and to make you feel special.

     If you let him wait for your sweet yes, you are teaching him to be patient with you. You are showing him that you have control and that he cannot always easily get what he wants. It is not playing hard to get, but giving yourself a pride.

     You are a piece worth of a hard work and not just worth a simple text of “How are you? Have you eaten?”. You are not a cheap trophy in a contest he could brag and display around after, but a precious stone like a diamond that he must carefully take care of and protect.


     Good looks, shiny cars & thick wallets are a thing, but are never enough. Click To Tweet

     Every woman should take her time in knowing the man courting her. Good looks, shiny cars and thick wallets are a thing, but they will never be sufficient to sustain a relationship. Before she could finally say he is worthy of her love, there are too many things she must consider. Some important factors she must check are the following.

  1. How is his relationship with his family members? Do they live all together? What’s their story?
  2. What are his ambitions or life plans? Career goals?
  3. What are his spiritual beliefs? Do you have the same faith?
  4. What are his hobbies and favorites? Any vices? Are they acceptable to you?
  5. How many girlfriends did he have? How their relationship did went?
  6. How does his family think about you? How do you think about them?
  7. What were the difficult incidents in his life? How did he deal with it?
  8. Are his friends a good influence on him? Are they good examples?
  9. What are his priorities?
  10. Is he willing to adjust his life with you?

30 thoughts on “Courtship Now and Then: Teach Him To Be Worthy of You

  1. Cool ideas. It would be ncie to have some older forms of courtship back. Introducing to family as it becomes an official relationship and having them around both families. It’s importatn to know who thye are, who they were and who they want to become. Does their ambition math their aspirations as well? I agree with the majority of your post and that women should teach men how to pursue them and how they also receive love. In turn women have to know how their man wants to receive love (Gary Chapman, 5 love languages book)!

  2. Wise advice. I, as a male enjoy reading articles like this to try and comprehend a woman’s thought process, Frankly, I do not think it is possible though because men do not have any clue what is going on in a woman’s mind.

    I especially enjoyed your description of what your grandmother explained how a woman was courted just a generation ago. Times changed. If you are interested in what I surmised how a wise woman clued in a wise man three thousand years ago, check out my post. i would be interested in your comments.

    Regards and goodwill blogging.

  3. I think the questions you list at the end are so important and often overlooked. You cannot just come right out and ask them..they are things you must witness and discover over time…they are also often the things that tear people apart in the end, so why not take the time needed to discover the answers?

  4. True words! What you advised is not popular and is probably considered old fashioned but it needed to be said. As an older woman (60+) who refused to accept sub-standard manners and took the time to evaluate potential helpmates by asking similar questions as yours to myself and to him, I finally am marrying my best friend but we courted a long time before accepting the commitment of marriage.

  5. You shouldn’t have to teach him anything. If you have to TELL him how to behave like a decent human being who respects you, he isn’t right for you. Let him be himself during courtship, he’s certainly going to be himself if you marry. If you have to change him to make him acceptable now, he’ll change back later. When you see the warning lights, head for the hills as fast as you can! Choose someone else – someone you can love just as he is.

    1. Thank you for reading and giving your comment Andrea. Somehow,I love your idea.

      ” Choose someone else – someone you can love just as he is.”

      If he is not acting the proper way you should be treated, perhaps that is a sign he is not meant for you. 🙂

  6. Yes courting has definitely evolved. People don’t even go out anymore. So sad! The questions you listed at the end of the blog are still relevant when deciding who you should marry. Thanks for sharing this!

  7. Wow this is an amazing post, I would kill to have a lady that would do all these things to me because I still believe that we’re doing it wrong. Thank you April this is really insightful.

  8. Technology has definitely influenced relationships- not just dating. People must continue to put in effort if relationships are going to work!

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